RatatouEEK!

So most of you have heard "The Rat Story" by now, but for those who haven't, let me fill you in on the "Worst Week of Sleep Ever (Title in Progress)"

We've heard things in our walls from time to time, but nothing has ever ventured out into our home and never left evidence. Well, I just happened to be cleaning out the side of Savannah's bed because a ton of her books had fallen down. Lo' and behold, there were a colony of little poops. Now, I had just made Savvy's bed about a week before and actually Swiffered out the crackers and various other snacks that had been down the side because of this very fear...that animals would enter our abode! Now we had to wonder what happened to the animal. Fast forward to about 12:30am, Brooke began hearing rat noises downstairs. We had an argument about the actual location and the actual existence of said rat, but as always Brooke won. The rat had disappeared because of the commotion and did not return until an hour later. Brooke decided to prove me wrong and went downstairs at the next sign of noise. Sure enough, the rat had left behind more poops and some carpet threads he was digging out. The hunt was on. I spent the rest of the early morning trying to find him and actually managed a glimpse of him. He was pretty big. Not cat big but maybe chihuahua big.

After a fruitless night of attempted captures, I went to Lowe's and bought a handful of rat traps and some poison. Again, the rat began his attempt to get upstairs in an effort to jump up on our bed, lay some more poop, and probably bit Brooke in the neck (at least that's how Brooke imagined it would happen.) Anyway, I searched high and low for him all night and still couldn't find him. I watched him run under the fridge then under the table and then disappear. That rat knew how to hide. And he obviously was not falling for the traps. We also figured that he couldn't get back upstairs and that was his ultimate goal. So I went back to Lowe's and got the ultimate trap...the Glue Trap. Since I knew he would be back at the door, this trap was ideal. I laid the 2 bases right at the base of the door. At 11:30pm, like clockwork, the rat showed up again. But this time, instead of digging and tearing noises, we heard shuffling and squeaking - the little pest was caught! Now the fun began.

I opened the door to get out but the rat used the opening as leverage to loosen himself. Brooke tossed me a bag to stuff in his face to keep him from getting away. I squeezed out the door and closed it. The rat was laying there, obviously exhausted, but still alert. He was now very nearly free with his tail and hind end the only thing holding him back. I quickly flipped the one half of the glue trap on top of him making a rat sandwich. I picked him up like a pair of tongs. He tried to bite me. I got angry. I planned to fling him outside quickly since I didn't know how long I could hold him in the trap. But he managed to get a slight grip on the floor, twisted himself out of the trap, and ran past the open door underneath our coat rack. That's about the time Brooke heard loud cursing downstairs. I laid down the traps and pulled out the coat rack. I saw his tail as he tried to climb up the wall out of view. I ran to the kitchen to grab the real tongs I had laid out for just such an occasion. I tried to grab him, but he sensed my weak attempt and ran back through the house, past the OPEN DOOR! and under the refrigerator. I laid down the traps again and started yanking out the fridge. I managed to run him over two times, yielding two satisfying squeaks. He ran out across the kitchen, albeit at a slower pace and tried hiding up in the dishwasher door. Now I had him! His tail was hanging tiredly down so I grabbed him with the tongs. I tried putting him in a plastic sack when he started doing this hurricane spin move. I managed to get it over his head but I held tight with the tongs. I went the the trash bin, flipped the lid, and aggressively slammed this giant inconvenience to the bottom, relieving me the burden of sleepless nights and paranoid wives. I came inside, cleaned up, and opened the door to go back to bed. Brooke asked if he got away (because of all the cursing.) I said back, "It's all over. Go back to bed." We never slept so well.

So, go figure, Ratatouille was released on DVD the next week. Grandma Joni decided it would be fun for the girls to watch on a babysitting night. After the whole movie was over, Grandma asked if they liked the movie and what they thought about the rat since the girls were very aware of the work it took to catch the filthy bugger in our house. Savannah replied, "That rat was a good rat because he didn't go poop once the whole movie. He held it in the whole time." Well said.